Thunder Clap
by Free Drinks
Summary: The idea hit Jiraiya like a bolt of lightning, but the entire shinobi world would feel the thunder clap.


**Thunder Clap**

The idea hit Jiraiya like a bolt of lightning, but the entire shinobi world feet the thunder clap.

I don't own Naruto. I don't make money from this. I do this for fun. I hope you enjoy!

* * *

"…Toads?"

The small creature that had just appeared in a cloud of smoke gave what counted as a proud _ribbet_. Behind the amphibian, Jiraiya beamed.

"Pretty sweet, huh?"

The boy's brow furrowed, his gaze darting between the tiny creature and its summoner in a mixture of focus and confusion. Jiraiya didn't seem to mind the pause. It was important to let the audience soak in the art, after all. Eventually, when clarity finally breached through their consciousness, they would follow their heart and shout out their praises like -

"That's it?"

Jiraiya blinked.

Were he a lesser man, such criticism could have cast a dark pall over his features. But he was Jiraiya of the _Sannin_. Renown Toad Sage, High Priest of Mount Myoboku, defender of fair maiden from Hi no Kuni to the deserts of Suna! He would not be so easily derailed by the gripes of a lone critic.

Greatness, as he had learned over many decades of adventures, was rarely appreciated by the common rabble.

Sometimes, you had to sell it.

"That's it?" the Toad Sage boomed, "That's it? Kid, kid, kid! Summoning jutsu are some of the rarest, most powerful jutsu around. A contract with a summoning animal is something chunin and jounin would kill for the opportunity to obtain. And to have a contract with the legendary toad clans of Mount Myoboku? Worth its weight in gold and then all the jewels in a Diamyo's court! Shinobi nations have gone to war over much lesser contracts."

The boy's eyes widened slightly, and Jiraiya smirked. His words were breaking through whatever wall of ignorance had blockaded the boy's skull. The next words out of his mouth were surely bound to be amazement and wonde -.

"I mean…" the boy said slowly, squinting as he examined the animal more closely.

"What can they do?"

For the briefest of moments, Jiraiya scowled.

In a poof, the toad disappeared and Jiraiya stepped in through the smoke, laughing lively and hoisting his arms out wide.

"What can they do?" he bellowed, sharing an incredulous look with the invisible audience surrounding them.

"Kid, the Toad clan are the most dynamic fighters in the shinobi world! Fighting, brawling, espionage, drinking. You name it, and these Toads can handle it!"

The boy tilted his head slightly with a distant look.

"Will it help me fight Neji?"

Inwardly, Jiraiya groaned. Leave it to a genin to be given the key to a mansion only to ask where the bathroom was.

"Neji? Brat, if you were up against a whole legion of enemy ninja, there's not a single technique in the world that would serve you better than Kuchiyose no Jutsu."

Hook. Line. Sinker.

Jiraiya patted himself on the back for his showmanship. The kid had been much more difficult that he'd anticipated, but the 'legion' line was inspired, if he did say so himself. He could already see the small sparkle glinting in the boy's eye. Visions of a lone, blonde shinobi standing before an approaching enemy army, a Hokage's cloak billowing dramatically in the winds of war. Despite uncountable odds, in the flash of hand signs, a matching army of massive toads descended on the battlefield, cutting clear through the enemy ranks.

Give or take a few details, of course, but Jiraiya could vividly remember having the same day dream when first offered the scroll.

The boy opened his mouth, and Jiraiya closed his eyes with a smirked, calmly awaiting whatever jubilant enthusiasm was sure to come.

"Eh…" the boy stammered, suddenly looking down and shifting nervously. "I don't know."

Jiraiya blinked again.

"You…" he said slowly, as if unsure what the boy had even responded, "…don't know?"

At the confusion in the Sage's voice, the blond suddenly jolted up straight, his face awash in embarrassment as frantically waving his hands in apology.

"No, no." he stammered, uncharacteristically apologetic, "I mean, this jutsu sounds freaking awesome! And you didn't have to offer to teach it to me and it's really, really awesome that you did and I'm very grateful but…"

Jiraiya leveled a small glare, tilting his head back slightly.

"I'm offering you a summoning scroll. Once in a lifetime here, brat. How is there a 'but'?"

He could literally hear the rust on gears as they churned desperately in the boy's mind.

"Well…" the genin nervously offered. "Well, you said it could take out whole bunches of enemy ninja, but you didn't say how it fights against just _one_ enemy."

Jiraiya's glare relaxed, but he raised an eyebrow.

"Like, what do you even do if you just want to take out _one_ guy?" The blond continued, staring intently into his hands so as to not have to look at the white-haired man.

"Just summon some huge frog and make it fall on them?"

Jiraiya's immediate reflex was designed to respond on two points. One, just to reiterate and make sure the boy was aware while offering enough sarcasm to adequately convey that it was _absolutely_ _ridiculous_ for a genin to be turning down a summoning contract. Seriously. Ridiculous.

He'd heard the kid was a little thick but…sheesh.

And, two, of course, to explain that summoning a toad on top of someone was _completely_ an acceptable plan of atta –

Jiraiya paused.

…Wasn't it?

Jiraiya had summoned toads on plenty of his enemies. It was easily one of his favorite uses for his amphibious warriors! That said, the more he thought on the boy's question, the more he began to doubt the effectiveness of squishing your enemies beneath a mountain of summons. Gravity was a deadly weapon, but such skills took more spacial awareness and timing than he was sure the boy was capable of.

Jiraiya recalled more than one small residence that had accidentally become the victim of such a move in his earlier years.

What's more, however, Jiraiya was forced to re-examine the effectiveness of a summon in one vs. one situations. While many of the larger toads were far more suited for mass fighting scenarios, there were plenty of smaller, more specialized members of the clan that could easily be of assistance in close-quarters combat. That effectiveness, however, was entirely dependent on having a mutual bond of respect and trust with the toad. Effective combat with one of the smaller toads took coordination built up over hundreds of hours of joint training and at least a dozen broken bones.

Aka, longer than the month the boy had.

The blond, nervously shooting glances at the pensive look that had fallen over his new teacher's face, felt a new wave of guilt wash over him.

"I'm sorry!" he blurted, kicking himself for his own stubbornness. "I don't mean to turn down your offer, it's really very kind of you, mister! It's just…"

"Naruto."

The boy immediately fell silent, nervously looking up to meet Jiraiya's face.

"Stop apologizing." He said, more softly this time as he examined how upset the young boy had become worrying about being ungrateful. Slowly, Jiraiya wandered over to the bank of a nearby stream and sat by its waters, motioning for the boy to follow him.

"I'm not mad."

Naruto's head whipped around, hesitation now mixed with the smallest sliver of hope.

"You're not?"

Jiraiya shook his head, leaning back on his hands and giving a small laugh.

"No. I'm not. You're still an idiot for not taking me up on my offer, but…well. I'm not sure your reasoning is off."

Naruto looked like he had something to say in response to that, but seemed to shake his head before turning his gaze back to the stream.

"However," Jiraiya continued, "In my grate, Sage-like wisdom, I'm wondering what the hell has caused such a drastic switch to logic from the entirety of your other behavior today."

At that, Naruto at least had the decency to look slightly ashamed.

"Ah," he replied nervously, "Well. You just were describing the technique really dramatically, and it suddenly started to sound like how Kakashi-sensei described that closet pervert Ebisu he tried to pawn me off to…"

The blond trailed off, but Jiriaya's features hardened and the sannin was suddenly filled with the urge to summon a toad on a certain jounin. Not a big one, really. Definitely a medium-to-heavy sized one, though.

"Pawned you off, did he?"

"Yeah," the boy said with a sigh, his head slumping uncharacteristically. "I mean, I get that he's gotta teach that bastard something to fight the sand freak. Some wild and crazy jutsu, or whatever, but I've been thinking about it more all day and I guess it just sort of got to me."

"Hold on," Jiraiya interrupted in confusion. "Bastard? You mean the Uchiha kid?"

Naruto nodded solemnly, a small sneer crossing his lips.

"Yeah. His stupid sharingan means he can learn whatever super awesome technique Kakashi-sensei is gonna teach him instantly! And Neji's got that crazy-eye taijutsu that he gets from his family and it's just…"

Naruto trailed off, but a deep frown had already settled across Jiraiya's face as the sun set in the distance.

"I just…I feel like everyone's just had all these cool moves and secret techniques just given to them growing up, and I'm just left picking up the scraps or stealing something."

Naruto, having seemingly voiced the weighing angst in his body, leaned back on the river, resting his hands behind his head and stared up at the sky. Jiraiya's expression remained unchanging, but his eyes grew distant and guilty.

And then, he had an idea.

A stupid, reckless, ridiculous idea. One for the record books, really. He'd had ideas before; never as brilliant as the gifted Tsunade's or the also-gifted-but-super-fucking-creepy Orochimaru's, but still, ideas.

Some of them even worked!

But this one…this one had _everything_.

Drama, intrigue, action. Horribly reckless? Probably. Potentially a spark for international conflict? The chance was pretty small, but definitely non-zero.

Would it fix the guilty, godparent sized hole he didn't know he had that had suddenly appeared in his stomach and sucked in his insides?

Well, _that_ he'd just have to see.

But, never one to get worked up because being a cool, master ninja took constant effort, Jiraiya leaned back casually and turned his head towards the blond.

"So…" he said lazily. "You want to learn something cool?"

Naruto nodded, blue eyes longingly watching the crimson evening clouds soar through the sky.

"I wanna learn something that, when every other ninja sees it, they almost crap their pants in fear. I wanna learn something that that bastard, Sasuke, can't steal from me and that will knock the pants of these stupid judges."

The Sage nodded as the boy described his Wishlist with a knowing grin. Well, that would definitely work.

But, the whims of a thirteen-year-old were hardly enough to justify this idea. He needed at least _something_ a little more justifiable than a view that essentially boiled down to "notice me, I'm a good ninja."

"If you found a jutsu," Jiraiya continued, "Something that fit all of those categories…"

Jiraiya tilted his head towards the boy and let his voice take a more serious tone.

"What would you do with it?"

"I'd use it like I use every other jutsu I know." The blond replied back without a moment's hesitation.

"Whatever helps me become strong so I can be the Hokage and protect my precious people."

And suddenly, Naruto's whisker marks faded away, and it wasn't Naruto lying next to him. The new man had the same neon blond hair and the same blue eyes. There was a goofy, lopsided smile on his face.

" _Believe it."_

Like a lightning bolt, Jiraiya shot to his feet.

"Kid." Jiraiya declared, a smug smirk sneaking across his lips as he rounded on the startled boy. "Meet me here tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn."

"That early?" Naruto shot back, utterly confused at the sudden burst of movement. "What for?"

If at all possible, Jiraiya's grin got even wider.

"I've got something I think you'll want to learn."

* * *

"These seats had better be good, forehead."

From her spot, Sakura bristled, but remained zen. The seats were good, after all. She'd shown up nearly three hours early to ensure they'd all gotten a front row seat to Sasuke-kun's fight.

As if she'd sit in the nosebleed for such an event.

"As if, Pig." Sakura said, finally, moving aside and patting the seat next to her that she had saved for her best frenemy. "Where's Chouji and Shikamaru? I thought they were coming with you."

Ino rolled her eyes with a huff. "I told Shika to make sure Chouji left some food at the concession stand for the rest of the audience before he went to get warmed up."

Sakura gave a small gasp and stared at her friend slack jawed.

"Ino!" she exclaimed, scandalized. "You can't say that about your teammate!"

For a moment, Ino was confused at the sudden accusation, but her face suddenly became gravely serious.

"I'm not joking."

Sakura blinked, unsure of how exactly to handle such a statement, but was saved from her confusion by the arrival of most of Team 8.

"Yo, Sakura! Ino!" barked Kiba, sliding into two seats in front of the girls and slinging his feet up on the railing. "Thanks for saving us such rocking seats!"

Hinata, taking great care to only occupy the space of one seat, gave a small bow in appreciation to the Team 7 matriarch.

"Y-yes." She stammered quietly, "Thank you Sakura-san."

"Oh!" Sakura laughed, waiving away their gratitude, "It was nothing! I'm just happy we all get to sit together!"

"For sure!" Kiba nodded, a feral grin stretching across his lips. "And hopefully watch our teammates kick some foreign ninja as – Ow! Dammit woman!"

Causally, Ino unrolled the fight bill she had turned into an impromptu mace and leaned back into her seat.

"Those 'foreign ninja' are sitting right behind us, dog brains."

"Who cares." Kiba countered, though noticeably quieter than before. "My boy Shino is gonna kick some major ass!"

"While I'm sure," Ino challenged, leaning back and checking her nails to accentuate her condescension. "that Shino had prepared far more thoroughly that you would have, dog breath…"

The blond chose to make a dramatic pause for the sole purpose of basking in the low, growling noise coming from the Inuzuka before continuing.

"But," she finished with a matter-of-fact tone, "Shika's been training with Asuma-sensei all month. And he's even been _awake_ for it all. I'd say he's got this tournament on lock."

The implications of a conscious Nara were lost on no one. It was one of their generation's open secrets, much to the confusion of their academy teachers, but each and every student, when asked who the smartest in the class was, would point straight at the usually sleeping scion of the Nara class. For Shikamaru to actually be awake and actively interested in training would be very, very troublesome for his opponent.

More interesting to Sakura, however, than Shikamaru's sudden deviation from narcolepsy was the almost…proud inflection in Ino's voice as she described the teammate. The same teammate who, just months before after assignments, Ino had spent over an hour venting to Sakura, finding new and creative combination of the words 'shit', 'lazy', and 'asshole'.

"Well Kakashi-sensei has been training Sasuke-kun all month, too!" Sakura countered, never one to let Ino have the last laugh. "He's been showing him his elite, signature jutsu, so I don't think anyone else stands a chance!"

From his seat, Kiba suddenly staggered, his hands flying to the side of his face with a dramatic gasp.

"Whhhhaaat?" he whispered, turning to the others bewildered, "Sakura thinks that Sasuke is going win something? I am shocked, _shocked_ , I tell you."

Sakura's fist was already posed to strike, but Ino's rolled up fight bill beat her to the punch, whacking the Inuzuka upside the head.

"Don't be a jackass, mutt." Ino glared, "She's allowed to root for her teammates."

Kiba rolled his eyes, waving his chastisement away with a dismissive hand.

"Please," he shot back. "Then let's hear her support her _other_ teammate. You, know, the one who barely got by me to be here?"

Sakura blinked.

"Yeah, Sakura-san," Chouji smacked, suddenly enetering the conversation only after fisting another handful of popcorn into his mouth.

"What about Naruto."

Sakura blinked again, confused.

"What…about Naruto?"

It was only as the blank stares of her classmates met her own that Sakura came to the sudden and startling conclusion that she had completely forgotten about the blond idiot.

Kiba, always the first to comment, slapped a hand to his face with a sigh.

"Unbelievable." He muttered, "I mean, I know he's dead last and all, but _sheesh_. Get out of Sasuke's butt for like two seconds, would ya?"

"No!" Sakura shot back, rolling onto the defensive. "I just…I don't know where he is! I haven't seen him in a month."

Ino gave the girl a look that made Sakura feel like she'd rather be hiding under her covers at home.

"You mean to tell me that you, his teammate and general center of orbit, haven't heard a peep from the single loudest ninja in the history of ninja?"

Well. It sounded stupid when you said it like that…

"No, I know. But -"

But she didn't know. She honestly had no idea where the boy had been or who he had been training, but she suddenly felt absolutely awful for not knowing. Idiot or not, Naruto was her teammate. _Of course_ , she wanted him to do well.

"He…well he didn't come to our training ground..."

Sakura felt her stomach churn at how pitiful of an excuse that was.

"And you didn't wonder where he had been?"

Sakura didn't even register who had asked her, as suddenly the arena PA system burst to life.

* * *

"Lord Hokage …"

Fighting annoyance from his face, Sarutobi turned to the veiled Kazekage with a well-practiced, welcoming smile.

"Yes, Lord Kazekage?"

"Your village is quite…lovely. This arena is truly something to remember for a life time."

Outwardly, the aged Kage's lips drew into a gracious smile. He even complimented the gesture with a small nod from his seat.

"I thank you, Lord Kazekage. Many people great individuals work tirelessly at its upkeep."

Inwardly, the Sandaime bit down a sneer. He was already on edge with his wayward student running rampant through the examination, the last thing he needed was to be hounded with asinine questions by an overbearing foreign leader.

What's more, the Kazekage was...different…than the last he had met the man. Less hardline-autocrat, more creepy movie villain, his ANBU had confided to him after surveilling the man for hours.

Sarutobi sighed.

As if he needed _more_ stress at his age.

" _And for the opening match of these, Chunin exam finals, please welcome Hyuuga Neji to arena center! Joining Neji for his final preparations is his squad leader, Maito Gai of Konohagakure!_ "

The arena erupted into a raucous applause. Hyuuga were always a crowd favorite in home exams. The clan usually shelled out thousands to reserve prime seats for all its members; main house and branch. Even at chunin level, the opportunity to witness the legendary Byakugan was a treat in and of itself.

"I have heard much of this boy's master." The Kazekage's gravel voice seemed to hiss. "He must have trained a truly formidable student."

Sarutobi nodded firmly. At least _this_ was conversation about the task at hand, for once.

"Maito Gai is one of Konoha's foremost taijutsu experts. Young Neji is extremely capable for a shinobi his age."

The Kazekage chuckled behind his veil, his eyes locked on the arena.

"Then let us hope his challenge is up to the task."

" _And now, facing Hyuuga Neji in round one, please welcome Uzumaki Naruto to the arena!"_

For a moment, the arena was silent, and the Hokage felt his heart clench in his chest. But then, he heard it. Slower, and definitely less enthusiastic than for the first combatant, Sarutobi was unable to fight a proud smile that stretched across his face as the crowd gave a Konoha shinobi support. It had seemed that things might finally be looking up for th—"

There was a sudden surge of static, and the announcer burst back over the PA.

" _Assisting his apprentice in his final preparations is Lord Jiraiya of the Sannin."_

The moderate applause that had filled the arena went silent, and Sarutobi lurched in his chair.

"Lord Hokage." The Kazekage's said urgently, his voice alarmed. "I was not told Lord Jiraiya would be in attendance."

"You were not told, Lord Kazekage." The elder Kage grit out tersely, his eyes narrowing at this sudden surprise. "Because I was not aware of this sudden…development."

From the arena, both men watched as a tuft of neon blond hair entered the arena shadowed by a long, white mane. The two exchanged a hushed conversation; the crowd noise offering no obstacle to communication because the arena remained in a stunned silence.

The Sage tussled the blond's hair and Sarutobi watched as his former student dashed away, narrowly avoiding an embarrassed left hook from the boy.

Sarutobi closed his eyes, searching desperately for his center.

' _Student-mine…'_ he growled internally, ' _I swear if you've done something stupid I will –"_

"Sensei!"

Both Kages turned to find a beaming Jiraiya casually making his way down the balcony towards their section, almost skipping as he approached.

"Lord Kazekage," the Sannin said with a reverent bow as he approached. "I apologize for the intrusion. I hope I am not disturbing you."

The Kazekage nodded slowly in response, hesitating for a moment before acknowledging the greeting.

"Jiraiya of the Sannin." The veiled man replied. "To what do we owe this honor? I was unaware you would be in the city."

Jiraiya gave a shrug and a small laugh at his own machinations.

"Well, I put in a lot of effort on my new apprentice, already. Figured I'd come and see if he was worth it!"

Sarutobi had a vivid fantasy of him smashing his chair over his student's head, but managed to brush it aside.

Just barely.

"Jiraiya-kun." The Hokage said, his voice grandfatherly and warm. "What a wonderful surprise. We have so much to discuss."

Sarutobi forced himself to smile at his words, barely restraining his urge to knock his former pupil upside the head.

"But, first, are my ears deceiving me? Are you substituting in for Hatake-san at present or…"

"Nah." Jiraiya waved his hand dismissively as he walked around next to his teacher. "Just sent you the paperwork yesterday. I took on a new apprentice."

Teacher and student's eyes met, and a silent battle flared to life.

"Did you now?"

The sage nodded.

"Yep! And let me tell you, sensei. I think this one's a winner."

"You've taken Naruto-kun."

"Yep."

"As an apprentice."

Jiraiya lazily scratched his head with a yawn.

"No shortage of paperwork to take him off the roster, but I bet you'll see it on your desk tomorrow!"

Sarutobi's hands wrapped around the ends of his chair and the wood began to whine under the pressure.

"Since when did you decide on this…arrangement?"

"Last month."

There were no words that the Hokage wanted to say that were appropriate for current company. Or even private company, for that matter.

"And what…" he trailed off, his voice wavering slightly as a small crack began to spider web down the arm of his chair. "…pray tell, have you been teaching young Naruto-kun over the past month?"

At this, Jiraiya leaned back and gave a nervous laugh.

"You know," he said, leaning closer to the Hokage's chair.

"That is actually something I'd like to talk to you about…"

* * *

The arena was bigger on the inside.

Sure, it had looked huge as they had walked inside, the stories tall stone structure stuck out like a sore thumb against the Konoha skyline. Massive as the coliseum may have looked on the outside, the moment you stepped in the center…

Neji scoffed as he watched the blond boy gaze around like an idiot.

"Are you going to continue gawking like a fool?" the Hyuuga taunted, "Or were we going to fight?"

Naruto snorted as he swung his arms in a cross body stretch.

"Well." He shot back brightly. "Picking up being a douche right where you left off, huh?"

"Vulgarities." Neji spat, shifting into a stance. "I should expect nothing less from trash like you."

"Easy there, tough guy." Naruto replied with a smirk. "Won't look good when 'trash' knocks your teeth in."

Neji's face remained undisturbed, but the sudden tensing of his stance let Naruto know that the sentiment had been received.

"Proctor." The Hyuuga demanded. "May I begin?"

From his spot nearby, Hayate gave a tired sigh. Why were the genin always such drama queens?

"Not yet." He commanded, chewing idly on his pick. "I haven't gotten the signal. You two keep insulting each other or whatever makes you feel special inside."

As much as he resented the flippant response, Neji resolved that goading his opponent was, if nothing else, cathartic.

"It is your destiny to lose this battle." He declared to the blond. "Even if you are now the student of a Sannin. It has been decided from the moment you were doomed to face me."

Naruto, who had been mid-stretch on his calves, groaned.

"Oh, for crying out loud." he replied, rolling his eyes. "You're still on this bullshit?"

"You are a failure. You will suffer the fate of all failure."

"Oh, yeah." The blond whispered, his eyes narrowing as he sank into a battle stance. "I've seen what you think of failures."

Neji smirked, vindicated in hitting a nerve.

"You are as foolish as she is."

"Am I?" Naruto shot back, matching Neji's pacing around Hayate as the jounin raised his hand in preparation to start the match.

"Or maybe we're both on to something?"

Neji let loose a dark, mocking laugh.

"Your delusion is truly pitiful."

"And the stick stuck up your ass is really annoying."

Hayate's hand fell, and Neji surged forward in a rage, his open palm slamming into Naruto's chest and sending the boy hurtling back. The blond had only just managed to right himself when he gave a yelp, diving to the side as he dodged a second barrage of attacks.

"What's wrong, dead last?" Neji shouted as he relentlessly pursued the blond across the battlefield, his missed strikes leaving small craters in the ground.

"Where has your bravado gone?"

" _Kagebushin!"_

There was an audible gasp in the arena as one genin became ten, but Neji remained nonpulsed.

"Clones?" he scoffed, blood surging around his eyes as the Byakugan flared to life. "You think to run from the all-seeing eye of fate with clones?"

Three of the clones, forming a triangle formation, charged at the Hyuuga. The first punch struck air as Neji effortlessly twisted his body out of the path of the strike, slamming his palms into the guts of two attackers.

The third, however, hit its mark.

A chakra infused haymaker made contact with Neji's jaw and the Hyuuga was tossed like a rag-doll to the side.

"Solid clones?" the Hyuuga muttered, climbing back to his feet and shifting his stance yet again.

"Unexpected..."

Neji's eyes narrowed, his pale white orbs seeing all.

"…but it won't save you."

The remaining seven clones charged and there was a flurry of limbs followed by six puffs of smoke. Only one of the Naruto's didn't disappear, and that one was sent sprawling to the ground with a thud and a worrisome cracking noise.

"Worthless." Neji said evenly, slowly striding across the arena while Naruto struggled to his feet.

"A loser like you never stood a chance against my might. Squirm as much as you please, worm, but you will never be able to change what you are. Destiny has already decided your fate."

Neji saw the boy heave deeply, and a he smirked. Crying? What a disgrace of a nin -.

Laughing.

From his spot on the ground, shakily rising back to his feet, the sound escaping from the blond wasn't of surrender, but like the funniest joke he'd ever heard had just been whispered into his ear.

Neji saw red.

"You dare?" he roared, engorged veins throbbing around his eyes. The blond, through fits of giggles, tried unsuccessfully to reign himself in, weakly holding up a hand.

"I just," he stammered between spurts, whipping his eyes of tears. "I mean, you're just fitting this mold so perfectly it hurts. This is _exactly_ like ero-sennin said it would go down."

Neji froze, despite his overwhelming urge to Juken the blond into a wall.

"You what?"

But Naruto could barely focus, the situation was just too funny to him.

" _You're trash._ " The blond growled, air-quotes following his words. _"You can't beat me because fate. Blah, blah, blah. Monologo. Monolue? Monoley?"_

Neji maintained his glare as the blond seemed to trail off whispering to himself.

From up in the stands, Jiraiya slapped a hand to his face, mortified.

"Mono? Monolouge? Oh, that's it! Monologue!"

Neji's face held unbridled rage as he slipped once more into his stance.

"I was going to allow you to surrender once you were beaten." The Hyuuge growled. "But now, I'm going to beat you into unconsciousness."

Naruto, seemingly recovering from his forgetfulness, replied with a smirk as his hand reached into his back pocket.

"Chose your final words carefully, dead last."

The blond grinned.

"You know the problem with spending your life looking up for your destiny written in the stars?"

Naruto pulled out a single, three-pronged kunai and focused intently on a toss as Neji charged.

"Us losers will walk right by you."

With fluid ease, the Hyuuga shifted just centimeters to the left, allowing the kunai to pass harmlessly past him as he surged forward, hands blazing with chakra.

His eyes narrowed in, looking to engrave the blonde's helpless look forever in his memory.

But Naruto smirked.

And then there was a brilliant yellow flash.

* * *

Thought about this one for forever. Hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know what you think!


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